This rollercoaster never ends!

Well I guess it will end eventually but the waiting feels like forever. So much has happened in the last week.. last saturday we found out that my eggs were not growing quite as much as the doctors had hoped... they were concerned and said if they didnt grow by the next day then we would probably look at stopping this cycle, waiting a few months and trying again later. We were SO scared... but we had lots of people praying and the next day we went in and everything was better! The eggs grew enough and we were back on schedule!
They took the eggs out on Wednesday (feb 23) and there were 16!! It was a painful procedure but it will all be worth it! The clinic called the next day to tell us that 12 fertilized!! Wow! We were blown away! We have 12 little lives waiting to be born and we are excited to meet as many of those as God allows us to meet!
I have just been resting for the last few days and Brody has been so amazing... taking care of everything and working hard, of course. He is going to be such an incredible father!!!
Tomorrow is the big day... we have settled on only putting 1 embryo back in... it only has a 30% chance of making me pregnant but my scoliosis is pretty bad and i wouldnt want to risk having complications if i were to have twins... if i do get pregnant and the pregnancy goes well, however, next time we might put in 2!! :) wouldnt twins be fun???!!! we think so!!
So i have a rollercoaster of emotions inside of me right now... from excitement to fear... as i look ahead to tomorrow and then to the 2 week wait til we find out if it worked... but all in all I am trusting God and knowing that he loves me. And he knows me. And he knows my heart.. what he chooses to do is out of my hands and in His much more capable hands!
But i hope He chooses to let me have a baby this first time!!!!!!!!!! :)

SURPRISE!!

Life is full of surprises and I LOVE surprises :)

Of course sometimes we find out surprising things that are far from loveable and those are a part if life as well. Our finding out about not being able to have a baby (at least not the way most people can) was a 'surprise' that I never saw coming... it was a surprise that changed everything. And, Lord willing, it will be something that will make life more beautiful in the long run...

So last Sunday at 6pm Brody came home and gave me my first injection. We had gone to an appointment with a nurse the previous wednesday and she showed us how to do the injections. Before we left Brody gave me one (without medication) so that i could see that it didnt hurt. And on that wednesday the injection didnt hurt! I was amazed... i spent the remainder of the week excited to start and feeling very strong and confident about this part of the process. Then came Sunday..... just before he gave it to me i got very nervous and tense and SO scared. I was a little bit scared of the needle but, unexpectedly to me, I got so scared of the process beginning... what if it didnt work?? what if we invest all this money and pain and faith and I dont get pregnant? What if i do something slightly wrong in the process and I make it not work?

I tried to calm down and Brody prayed. I took a deep breath, the needle went in and out and i cried.. and cried.. and cried. I sobbed for about 10 minutes and felt such a release of so many emotions. Brody made me promise to not do any more house work and just hang out on the couch. :) I did what he asked and I felt better.

The next day when Brody came home from work to give me my needle he brought me home a surprise :) A+W onion rings!! Those are my favourite and kind of a running joke with us (ever since we started trying to have a baby, i always said that when i get pregnant i have every intention of 'craving' A+W onion rings so that i can justify having them any time i want! haha) The needle went in MUCH easier this time. Brody told me that he is going to bring me a surprise every day he has to give me a needle.... did i mention i LOVE surprises!? He is just so sweet and i am so blessed :)

That was monday. Tuesday he brought me a Wonderbar (another favourite of mine). Wednesday he brought me a Better Homes and Gardens magazine. Thursday he made homemade bread. Friday he brought me Steven Curtis Chapman's 'Beauty Will Rise' CD (which was a very thoughtful gift as I am reading 'Choosing to SEE' by Mary Beth Chapman right now. All the songs on that CD are about little Maria Chapman, who the book is also about.. if you are reading this please check out that book). Saturday he brought me Real Simple magazine which is one of my favourites and today he bought me a beautiful tropical flower. Its from mexico.. and he said he chose it since we cant go to mexico this year, we're bringing mexico to us.

Every day the needles have gotten better and we are now one week closer to a baby.. whether this cycle works or not.

The message at church this morning was on God's Sovereignty. He is Sovereign and He is Good. No matter where life has us right now. He is Good. I am going to bed tonight holding on to that fact and praising God that I have that to hold onto. He is Good.